Tonight at dinner, I laughed so hard that I cried. That may have been the first time ever, or the first time in God knows how long, that I experienced that kind of happiness.
When we are broken, we tend forget that there are such simple aspects of life that have the potential to put us back together again.
For so long, I believed that you were the only answer to my fixing. For so long, I have held onto this idiotic notion that a single person held the key to my solace. It’s an insane idea to hold the belief that the very person who had the ability to shatter every fiber of your being, could be the same one to put all of those tiny little pieces back together. Love can be so blind and so terrifyingly destructive, & without a doubt, your love - or lack there of - destroyed me.
But you sure as hell better believe that I am a fighter, and through laughter & faith, I will continue to face my battles head on.
Because you are not my savior. I am my savior.
I just don’t understand why the thought of you still makes my heart physically ache. I was just a distraction. The rebound girl. I should’ve known better. I’m smarter than that. I’m angry. Angry at myself for loving you so much, even after you hurt me so badly. I want to stop crying, I want the hurt to go away. I want to forget about you & all of the memories we made. I want you erased.